Are my attachments the cause of my suffering? If so, is it worth it?
I am attached to an evolving idea, a future goal for myself. I have integrated it with my own identity.
Because of this, my identity seems to suffer when this goal is not fulfilled.
This is a major source of anxiety and depression. But these feelings often motivate actions as well. Actions to close the gap between my current reality and my possible reality.
I fear that I have become too attached with a long term vision of my future lifestyle. This vision is only a tentative possibility, glimmering like a mirage in the distance of the desert wasteland of my mind
If this goal is only an illusion, then what? The goal might evolve and be replaced. But that is still an attachment to a future reality which will cause more suffering.
I developed my goals to help make my future life more bearable, even enjoyable. But I have sacrificed the present at the altar of the future, an eternal bargain that can never lead to future happiness because it is never "tomorrow"
Do I need to discard that which I think will help me most? Am I clinging to an illusion while my real world burns around me?
What is the difference between those who fight relentlessly to bring their dream into reality, vs those who fight in futility, climbing the wrong ladder and getting more and more blinded and lost?
If the ideas that I am attached to serve to motivate me to endure hardships in the expectation that "it will be worth it when…" am I really working toward a better future, or am I simply digging my own grave?
If I decided that I have everything I need right now to be happy, and stop trying to follow attachments and build up to something else, would I find peace? Or would I stagnate into mediocrity?